Let me have the pleasure of introducing you to one of the oldest religions in the world, Pastafarianism. It might be an unusual name and over the internet you will find a whole lot of people announcing it as a spoof religion but it is NOT. It is as true as the Flying Spaghetti Monster Himself.
According to the Holy Scriptures, everything started 5000 years back when the lord Flying Spaghetti Monster created the earth.
Deity of Pastafarianism:-
The deity of Pastafarianism religion is Flying Spaghetti MONSTER, called so because of his distinctly non-human form. As you can already see we humans are not created in his Noodliness’ image, not even a slight possibility of that.
Theory of Creation:-
The story of Pastafarian creation is simple. First, there was a word, and that was ’Aaaaaaaaaargh!!’ His noodliness created the heaven, the trees and the midget. Following days, he created everything else. But then He got so tired that He needed the last three days for rest.
In alternate theory, Flying Spaghetti Monster drank heavily and had a hangover when He was creating Earth and everything. This is the reason for all the flaws and problems. After creating all this, His Noodliness rested and made some pasta. When He returned to check up on His creation, He discovered that thousands of years had already passed and there were pirates roaming the seas.
Origin of Religion:-
Because the religion is so ancient that it is hard to track its beginning, but according to Holy Scriptures, it started when His Noodliness gave Pirate Captain Mosey the eight I’d Really Rather You Didn’t. Since then, Pastafarians increased in number steadily but the revolt and chaos created by other religions forced Pastafarians into hiding.
Renaissance of Pastafarianism
In 2005C.E., the prophet Bobby Henderson, a Physics graduate from the Ohio State University was enlightened by Holy Noodliness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
This resulted in Bobby Henderson’s famous open letter to the Kansas State Board of Education in order to add this holy religion in Kansas State Schools as a part of their curriculum in Alternate Theory of Evolution. You can read the letter here. Though he failed in that attempt but he succeeded in restoring and popularizing this centuries old faith.
Morals of Pastafarians are guided by the eights Condiments, though two are lost which is a sign that His Noodliness won’t mind if you skip some of the rules of religion. The traditional dress of Pastafarianism is Pirate Regalia which pastafarians have to wear all the time or at least some time.
The Eight Condiments
Some of the Condiments, also known as I’d Really Rather You Didn’t, are mentioned below:-
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really. I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject. OK?
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I don’t require sacrifices and purity is for drinking water, not people.
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, and get this in your thick heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey-Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion. Then, I’m sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
You can read the rest here if you want.
Noodle dance is the complex traditional ritualistic dance of the religion which is assosciated with Holy Noodle Ceremony.
Prayers and Hymns
The Noodles prayer is the most common prayer as dictated by the Prophet Ragu:-
“Our saucer which art in a colander, draining be Your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy meatballness be done on earth, as it is meaty in heaven. Give us this day our daily sauce, and forgive us our lack of piracy, as we pirate and smuggle against those who lack piracy with us. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us from non-red meat sauce. For thine is the colander, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. R’Amen”
There is another ‘Hail Meat sauce’ prayer which is common among followers of this religion.
For Hyms, various songs by the beloved Prophet Ragu can be used like Holy Holy Pastaroni, A Meaty Pasta is Our God, By His Noodly Appendage, What Sauce is This and others.
Pastafarians believe in Heaven and afterlife that includes Beer Volcanoes and Stripper Factory. It is also believed that the people with proper measure of Meatitude will join the Flying Spaghetti Mosnter in the Great Pasta Bowl in the afterlife.
Have faith on His Noodly Appendage and you will be rewarded in Afterlife with Noodle-y delights.
Towards other Religions
Every religion is welcome to come and join the Pastafarian religion. Pastafarians might be considered spoofs but they are not and they don’t judge others too with any such label.
Personal Views on this Religion
IN PASTA, WE BELIEVE. Basically, for the last word, Pastafarians are not anti-religion. They are anti-nonsense done in the name of religion. Isn’t it fair?